March 9 to September 8

 Not going to lie. This was a tough time, made easier by becoming a bump on the couch. 

A lot of wasted time and opportunity some might say. Lost chances to come out the other side a better version of yourself.

I was trapped ... I am trapped in a madhouse with a scary clown who doesn't sleep nor likes order to anything. I'm trapped with Sleeping Beauties, too. Alice in Wonderlands. 

Who knows just how deep this rabbit hole goes? I'm not sure I would even know if I hit the bottom of it. This time, this six or so months were hard. 

Very hard.

Working online was hard. Twice, as I did summer school. 

I had to quit an online class in April and not finish an in-person class in March. I stopped extra online work in June. 

I had to make sure that my children were fed and woke up and completed their work as I completed my work and then had an almost daily staff meeting to attend. We struggled as the youngest had changes in his treatment and routines and sleep patterns and ... everything went like a car crash.

I'm grateful that I survived and that all my family survived. I'm glad my family remains intact as well. Many didn't. I'm grateful that my wife and I are going to be working together towards retirement next. 

My happiness is with her. I keep telling her that. I keep letting her know that. I keep living that. 

The next steps while I return to work and while my children gradually return to school are dark and clouded. It's going to be a confusing and awkward time for all of us. 

It's going to be really hard. 

In the middle of all of this, my eldest is going away for school. I'm glad she is out of this madhouse. I want her to see that life with this scary clown isn't normal. It isn't normal to have a raving lunatic screaming up and down the stairs at 3am daily. It isn't normal to watch someone be up for forty hours and then sleep for twelve as a pattern for weeks and weeks. To urinate and defecate where ever. To bear witness to your father crying at 3am from lack of sleep and stress. the endless routine of stress and fatigue. All of that isn't normal.

And my eldest is going to see that starting this week. 

And I need to get as fit and strong as I was before all of this started because ... well ... I know being in shape won't make the clown go away or solve their issues. What it will do is make me mentally stronger and more able to extend what it is I can do to respond to demands placed on me and my family.

So now all that remains is to start on the journey to fitness again.