Tuesday March 22

I should be getting ready for the Nationals. This is, after all, the title of the blog. I feel like crap that I had to put it off until next year. Money and time, time and money are always going to be things that get in the way. How many times is my son going to be this young? How many times will I regret the last fifteen years of not wrestling?

A lot, I think.

It's ideas like that that have me thinking a lot of existential thoughts like "In the big scheme of things, I really don't matter." and thoughts about famous movie stars who complain that they wanted the fancy water for their drink because of who they are. "Well, you know, you are really the end product of an incredibly long line of happy accidents. Basically, you are an accident, get over yourself." Truly, on a really big time scale - think the age of the Earth- I really am quite small. Insignificant.

And then, right in the middle of those, quite frankly depressing, ideas, I get to hug my infant son and stop him from crying. I make breakfast for my wife, I get my kids laughing after crying for a while ... to them, I am the universe. if I was gone, their lives would be markedly less rich and harder in comparison.

My meaning is this: my life, my recognition from the universe, comes through the most intimate relationships I have with the people around me. I exist because of who I choose to love, to feel affection for and with whom I share my life. The rest of the "stuff" is merely how I get to do that. That's a little deep for this early on a Tuesday, but what are you going to do?

I also have a hard time taking almost anything with any degree of seriousness, laughing my way back to dust.

I spent this morning rolling, stretching and recovering. I tried a few broom handle squats, like the ones I was shown over the weekend, and found that my lower back needed some stretching. I was a pine board before I started today's workout, and after I was still somewhat stiff, but still better than I had been.

I ate this

Before workout: coffee

Breakfast : roast beef wraps with veggies and hot goo. Water to drink.

Lunch: The usual, tuna on salad, walnuts, carrots green pepper and hummus. Water to drink. Coffee to drink after.

Dinner: small piece of lasagna, large salad, red wine and OJ to drink. Almonds for dessert.

I feel as though I did not workout this morning, even though my body almost demanded that I do some recovery work. If I do something light a bit later, I'll post it here...